It’s time to dish.
Long ago and far away (as in four or five years ago when I lived in the land-of-the-working-mom) I was not very good at handling my money. Embarrassing but true. Even though I had a fairly decent income, there never seemed to be enough of it to cover all the bases, largely because I spent impulsively and foolishly. Okay, here’s an example: after a particularly late work meeting one evening I picked the children up from their babysitter, only to have them drop dead asleep as soon as their seatbelts were fastened. Halfway home, I realized we had no milk for their breakfast the next morning. UGH. Unable to face the prospect of dragging my entourage of whiny exhausted children through the grocery store for a measly quart of milk, I instead went to the McDonald’s drive-thru, where I willingly dropped about ten bucks for four of those little half-pint cartons. The sad thing is that it was totally worth it. The really sad thing is, I did stuff like this all the time.
So yeah… I’m sure you get the picture, and I don’t imagine it’ll surprise you to hear that back in those days, and in that state of mind I got behind on my mortgage. One month, two months… honestly right now, I don’t even remember how far behind I was at the worst of it. Interestingly enough, once I stopped working I was able to keep up on my mortgage just fine, even though my income suffered a huge drop. I was blessed with a very understanding mortgage company and as long as I made my current monthly payment on time, they didn’t press me too hard for the months that were overdue. Of course, I received frequent “reminders” of the overdue months. I knew that if I should ever let the current payment go late by even a single day, then all bets were off; their patience would run out and to foreclosure we would go. It was a lot of pressure, and some months it was a tremendous strain scraping that payment together and getting it all in, checks cleared and funds transferred by the sixteenth of the month. Last November was one of those difficult months, but by the evening of the fifteenth my checking account balance finally registered enough to make the payment. On the morning of the sixteenth I called to make my payment, only to discover that after all, the sixteenth was too late. The gal I spoke to told me that my account had been transferred to foreclosure merely an hour before my call.
I talked to them for hours that day, and for hours on several other days. No, they would not accept a payment at this point. No, there was no way of pulling the house out of foreclosure. No, they couldn’t tell me exactly how much I owed; by now, legal fees would have been added onto what I had previously owed, thousands of dollars worth of legal fees. It looked like my best hope was a repayment plan, but the worker warned me that I’d need a hefty downpayment to even begin such a plan. Even if I managed the downpayment, I secretly worried about how I’d be able to cover the increased payments such a plan would require. Nevertheless, I began scraping together every spare cent I could lay my hands on in hopes of somehow qualifying. That was hard… especially since we were right in the middle of the holiday season. It’s hard not to have even enough money to buy your kid a candy cane.. to hear them excitedly making plans for making cookies and going to Nana’s and wrapping presents and to know that you don’t have the money for wrapping paper and gasoline and vanilla, much less Christmas presents. So now you all know what a tremendous blessing this really was. And I want to take the opportunity to thank you all once again.
And if that wasn’t enough, just days after Christmas I received another blow: come January 25th my income would be reduced by approximately a third.
Just after New Year’s I finally heard from the bank. I had been approved for a repayment plan, however the money I had painstakingly scraped together was barely a third of what they were requiring for a downpayment, and with my just discovered income reduction, there was no way I’d be able to make the increased payments required. We talked some more that day and more the next week, but in the end there was nothing else to be done, no other options to explore. I received a call from the bank worker assigned to my account. I would be receiving notification of the date I needed to vacate the premises. Did I have any questions pertaining to the foreclosure proceedings?
“No,” I answered dully. “No questions.”
As hard as it was to scrape through the holidays without funds and as difficult as that pressure was, it was nothing compared to the pain of having no one to discuss any of this with. I told my children nothing, told my parents nothing. No one in my church family has known any of this was going on, none of my friends. Maybe it was pride that made me carry this alone, I don’t know. I know that the thought of causing my children pain and insecurity almost paralyzed me. But most of all I hated the thought of causing dishonor to God. I live my life by the premise that one can trust Him to the uttermost, that He is relentlessly dependable. I live that truth loudly and joyfully. What would people say if they saw me losing my home? I knew that His provision had always been more than adequate to meet my needs. I had always had more than enough money to pay my bills, but in my own foolishness and sin had mismanaged the funds He had provided. I was the only one to blame for my current situation, but would God be the One to get the blame? Would the people around me doubt His sufficiency? Would they doubt His love? Would they shake their heads and say that my misfortune proves God is not really all that dependable after all? Of all the bad things that could come of this, this was the worst of all.
Finally, I asked for prayer.
Then I gathered my courage and told one friend.
And then I told Amelia what was going on.
“This is a beautiful house,” she said. “Most people don’t have houses this pretty. Or this big.”
“Mhhmm,” I responded. (Profundity, thy name is Diane.)
“We’ve had it for a while.. we’ve had it for a long time…” she hesitated and I didn’t know what she was getting around to. “But we don’t need it. We have everything we need.”
“Well… yeah…” I said doubtfully.
She thought for a moment. “Even if we have to live in a tiny apartment and all share the same bedroom, we’ll still be the same happy family.. yanno?”
“Yes,” I said slowly. “I know…”
She leaned back in the chair. “No matter what happens we’ll always have everything we need. I’m not worried.”
A couple of days after that, I started having this bizarre urge to call the mortgage company again (Just a FYI here, when one’s mortgage is in foreclosure, the experience of talking to the mortgage company is something akin to the seventh level of hell.) I have grown to hate talking to them. My stomach wrenches when I see their number on my caller ID. I break out in a cold sweat when I’m waiting on hold. Having the desire to call them is truly nothing short of bizarre, but it was there and it was undeniable. So call I did, and I talked to a guy named Bobby.
“According to our records here, you’re under consideration for a mortgage modification,” Bobby said.
“No. No, I’ve been denied a modification. Three times as a matter of fact,” I rifled through the folder of papers on my lap looking for the three separate letters I’d received, each of which oh-so-politely informed me of my impending doom.
“Well, this is a different kind of modification,” Bobby insisted.
“I wish I was under consideration for a modification,” I laughed.
“This is a different kind of modification,” he repeated.
“No really Bobby, I’ve been through all of that already and I was denied. Really. Several times…” I trailed off.
“THIS IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF MODIFICATION,“ he insisted and I could tell he was losing patience with me. “Can you fax us your financial information?”
Okay, so guess what? Bobby was right. I am being considered for a different kind of mortgage modification. And even though things have not been completely resolved, it looks as though that modification plan will be approved. And if it all works out I will have a fresh start with no back payments owed, no legal fees and a lower monthly payment. A fresh start with no money owed… no back payments hanging over my head and a lower payment every month… how’d that happen? Seriously, how did I go from looming eviction to this in the space of five short minutes? The mind reels. Sometimes He really does give you more than you could ever ask or imagine.
And oh yeah! Remember how my income was going to be reduced by a third? Apparently that was a mistake. The girl didn’t understand how I could have gotten that notification and she’s so very sorry. And oh my goodness, now that she’s looking closely, it appears that my income will actually be increasing by approximately fifty dollars each month. Could I possibly accept her apologies?
Ladies, my most heartfelt prayer is that my life will tell the truth about God. That people will be able to look at my life and understand who God is and how He operates. For years now He’s shown me that I can lean hard on Him, that He really will make sure that I have enough of whatever I need. Over the last few months, I was gripped with the fear that my own foolishness and sin could hamper His provision, could limit Him. But through all of this He has shown me that even my own sin and foolishness does not limit Him… and incidentally, that He can handle His own PR. I may screw up. Actually, I will screw up, you can count on that… but I can never screw things up so badly that He is not able to unscrew them. His promises stand sure and strong even in the face of my own silliness.
Often we must live with the consequences of our poor choices. I am a single mother as a result of my own and my husband’s sin. I am a chubby little thing because I eat too much butter and don’t like to exercise. I have hurt people and must live with relationships that never will be made completely right until we meet in glory. That’s the reality of life on this side of glory. But sometimes in His grace and tender love, Jesus chooses to not only forgive my foolishness and sin, but take away their consequences as well. He chose to remain nailed on that cross so long ago, so that I would not have to bear the consequences of my sin for eternity. He gives me a fresh start every morning with brand spankin’ new mercies. At the moment, it looks like He might do that for me in working out this mortgage situation. But even if He chooses not to give me my brand spankin’ new mortgage start, even if I end up losing this house, I’ll still have everything I need. As Amelia said, we’ll still be the same happy family.
It really is true; no matter how big I screw up, the truth about God is bigger still. No matter what happens, I’ll still have Him and more joy than I can hold.
from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory,
to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,
that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints
what is the width and length and depth and height—
to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge;
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations,
forever and ever.
Amen.
I am in tears for the grace and unending miracles that He has continued to bathe you and your precious children in.
Thank you for being brave and sharing the heartache and worries you have shouldered alone these last few months. You will continue to be in our prayers.
What a testimony of grace!
Take heart in the fact that, as someone once said, we're not what we ought to be, but praise God, we're not what we used to be.
I first have to say that I sat here for a moment, started to comment and just couldn't. I left this page only to return. I feel so inadequate to respond to something so amazing. My first response was awe, a sense of humility and amazement (although I have heard it said many times that we should never be amazed at what our God can and does do!).
I am so glad that you have come to this point in your walk with the Lord that you can still have joy no matter what. I am also praying that everything will work out for the best!!!
Diane,
I hope it's ok that I read this even though I am not one of the "girls".
This post and testimony is awesome. I don't use that word too often. I try to reserve it for God and the things He does. But, He did it. You are so right. As big as our mess may be, our God is bigger still.
Diane, you are such a humble and honest woman. I am honored to know you and call you "my friend." And might I add to humble and honest…you are so very meek. You have a strength and steel in your spirit that is lacking in most believers these days. But, it is only seen when it is needed most.
I love it when you said that you could lean HARD on Him. It is a truth that never gets old being reminded of. I rejoice with you at what He is doing in your life. I am so encouraged within. And although He can manage His own PR, He is using you as His PR campaign. His enduring love, new mercies, ever-faithfulness, and unshakability is being loudly declared through you!
Thank you!
Josh
PTL, again and again Diane!! Thank you for sharing. We serve a GREAT and AWESOME God……
OH Diane!!!!! I know where you are, been there countless times, and each time God has to remind me the same things. I am so blessed to hear this.
PLEASE keep us posted how they finally work things out.
God is so awesomely good!!! And Amelia is wise…yes, no matter what, you all will be the same happy family.
I love you sweet sister!!!!!!!!
Ok, going to blow my nose and dry my eyes.
"Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him." (2Cor 5:9) You have hit that mark.
I have no words… He is awesome. I'm so glad things are turning around again. I loved that you said he can handle his own PR too.
Crying just reading this, so happy for you!
Julie
I love hearing how God provides for you. It continually gives me hope. We are a much smaller family than yours, but I have to tell you, we LOVE living in an apartment. We downsized from a huge home 7 months ago and haven't looked back since. It is so much easier to clean and keep organized, especially since you have to get rid of so much clutter to fit into a smaller space. It is also really nice because my husband doesn't have to shovel snow or rake leaves. In the summer time when he came home from work, instead of mowing the lawn, he would take the baby to the complex pool.
I just can't say enough good things about our new living quarters. We have decided if we are to invest in a home of our own again we will get a condo as the conveniences are just too nice to pass up.
Thanks for that!! We are going through something very similar and right now it is looking like our options are out. If so-I am fine with that because I know that he will have somewhere else for us to be and it will all have been for our good and His glory. If you feel so led to join me in prayer for God's miraculous although unwarrented favor it would be appreciated. Right now I am thanking Him for using blog land to show me that No I am not the only one and Yes He can and DOES still work out His children's problems.
Oh Diane. Beautiful. Beautiful. You are beautiful because Christ is beautiful. Oh my. The words… I'm not sure I have any. He is SO faithful even we we are not. You are blessed my friend, and I am blessed because of you! Thank you for sharing, for being honest. For being real. Chels.
It is so wonderful to hear how God is working things out for you, and I will continue to pray for you!!! God is so good all the time:)
Diane, so much to say and nothing seems adequate enough to write. You…bless…me and so many other….with your words, your love and devotion to the Lord, your absolute and genuine love of your family. God is good and He never, ever leaves us. I am SO happy for you that you are staying in your beautiful home and SO happy that if you couldn't you would be content and happy somewhere else. Sending hugs to you and your beautiful family, Heather
Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.
- Sally
Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! (((happy tears)))Good for you! When the market is up a bit more, you can, at your own leisure of course, consider selling the big place, getting a little place, and taking a trip to Tahiti!
xoxox,
Hil
[[[♥♥♥]]]
The Lord giveth & the Lord taketh away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Ok. You did it. I'm crying.
Love from your old fried, who is blown away by His tender mercies and fresh starts. You know my story. Thanks for sharing this part of yours.
Colleen
When I read some of your posts like this one, I am often reminded of Jesus saying "Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel." (Matt 8:10) My spirit shouted this as I read this post!
I think God has chosen wisely for His "God will provide all you need" PR gal…but then He is God so He had Insider knowledge.
(Oh, and I lost it on the "seventh level of hell"…not that it is funny to you, but I love your spunky style. You really should write a book!)
OH my, you certainly have had a tough time of it and to think you kept it all to yourself for so long. I think Bobby must be an angel and I am so glad that the miracle of a special modification has emerged just in time. Blessings are wonderful when the right people get them….
Diane,
What a journey. I am only sorry that you felt you had to carry the burden alone.
Your relationship with God is beautiful and yes we all sin and it is amazing how pure God's love for us remains despite the sinning.
I like it where you said you lean on Him hard. That was a good visual and gives me a peaceful and loved feeling.
I love you and wish in times of need we could call on each other more often. Not to solve each other's problems but to help carry each other through.
Something for us both to think on maybe.
Love,
Beth
Wow! First of all, I'm sorry you are faced with these troubles…but, I am so thankful that you can give us such an awesome testimony! God is so good. I really needed to read what you have written, because we are struggling financially..some our own sinful choices(poor stewards of what He has given) and some just things that go with life(such as birth of beautiful babies). But when I read your story, it reminds me of my Great God and that I can trust Him to provide no matter how bad it looks.
I pray that the Lord works a mighty work in your situation and that you will feel peace no matter the final answer. Love to you Diane!
Lots of love,
Sommer
So blessed to read your story and be reminded again just how awesome our God is and that He fully knows us and our every need.
In Christ,
Natalie
Oh how I wish I could give you a big hug right now…and then chide you for bearing this burden alone…
So glad God is always with us and you were never truly alone.
That Amelia is a wise, wise young woman. She must have learned from you.
Oh, Diane. It is so beautiful the way God works in your life. Thanks for sharing!
blondee… He really is a God of miracles isn't He? thank you so much for your continued prayers♥
barbara… what would any of us do without His grace?
mama sew… you know, i really do have joy no matter what. honestly, it's hard not to;-}
oh yeah josh, you can read! you're a special non-girl case;-} you know, the funny thing about hard times is the wonderful stuff that comes out of them. it's hard being a single mom, and it's hard going through this kind of thing, but it's only through the tough times that you really see how amazing God is. so i truly do thank Him for the difficulties in life. "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. The law of thy mouth is better unto me than thousands of gold and silver."
yvette.. great and awesome is He!
tasha.. you know i'll keep you posted dear☺ and i'll keep your family in my prayers as well♥
lady dee… ~♥~
thank you so much julie, dear♥
tmichelle.. there certainly are benefits to a smaller place! truthfully, i am 100% ok with wherever the Lord wants us. i trust Him to provide precisely what we need and i pray that i would never hinder Him through hanging onto something that He wants me to let go of!
oh yes char.. i would love to join you in prayer for your family's situation!
thank you so much chelsey dear… so much♥
all the time mommy.. all the time!
heather… i appreciate those hugs, girlie!
wow indeed sally;-}
oooohhh! tahiti! wanna come with me hil??
ganeida.. blessed be His name♥
colleen… girl we've all got a story:)
well linda, i'm happy you are amused! ha!
5cents… he may have been an angel, but he sounded like he was from the bronx;-}
love ya bethie boo boo:-D
sommer… thanks so much for your prayers. i can always use them.. always!
Natalie.. you wrote "He fully knows us and our every need." and i said amen!
becks.. i'm gonna have to take you up on that hug offer very soon!
Oh, praised be!!
wow sweet pea! What an awesome awesome testomony of Gods mercy and love! Ive been in your shoes.. I know the feeling… I also know the power of prayer. You are a blessing to all of us who read your blog (and who know you in person!) I had not read this yet when I saw you today or I surely would have had something more to say then hello mysterious lady and good bye!
I hope this all turns out perfectly for you. I actually know it will turn out perfectly for God.
xoxoxo
vivian
He Promises to be a Father to the fatherless. Your friend in prayer, Bonnie.
Diane,
Your posts lately have been such an encouragement to me! My husband teared up when I shared your post last Friday about how the Lord has provided for you. Dear one, the Lord has used you to help me focus on taking all things to the Lord – to see how He wants to provide what we need and sometimes just what we would want.
I am praying that this goes through and that God will continue His work in your lives!
Have I told you lately that I love you?
I should've grabbed a cuppa sumthin'.
Whew! What a story, Diane. And what a great young woman of faith you have raised. You heart must be full of gratitude and thankfulness, overwhelmed at the grace of God.
I'm so happy things are working out. I will continue to pray with you until you tell us it is complete.
Dear Diane,
I haven't been online much but I checked in on you here and there. For some reason, especially lately (including last night when I was washing dishes) I was moved to pray for my sweet friend (funny, we have never met, but you are my Sister in Christ and your lovely family is my family through Him too
.
On a whim I am online today and checked by and read this post. Praise the Holy Lord…whatever He does. Your trust and faith and willingness to share is a huge testament of faith to me.
Another funny thing, I had a horrible nightmare the other night. In my nightmare I was being attacked and was calling on the Lord and it appeared He wasn't stopping the attack and nothing I did stopped it. In the middle of that horror…your name came to me and I said to myself what would Diane do? I somehow put on a headcovering (funny how dreams work huh LOL) and simply said "I am gonna TRUST you Jesus!" And I simply stood there and did and then woke up.
So much of my life I have struggled and fought, you have taught me…it is HIS fight and to sit back and glory in it..no matter what the outcome is it will be to HIS glory even if the temporary situation seems horrible.
Sorry so long, also if you ever monetize the blog I will be happy to support you financially in that way in any way I can. I wanted to say that to you when you originally brought it up but couldn't leave a comment.
Many Blessings Friend, we are upholding you and your precious family in our prayers.
Formerly…Ace
By the way, the kids said to tell you this "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the rightous fall.
We are singing along with Seeds Family worship.
So it sounds like this "He will never never never never let the rightious fall". Ok, it should sound that way..but it comes out..
EEE bill nebber nebber nebber NEBBER wet the Wightious BALL…wet the wightious BALL…
LOL
Formerly Ace
What a mighty God we have!!!!
Love this post Diane! Thank you so much for sharing. You'll never know what a blessing it is to my heart–and I'm sure to many others. I admire your courage and spunk. All God's best to you, sister.
I'm not even quite sure what to say, because I think you said it all. Thank you for faithfully and humbly sharing this. ♥♥♥♥
Awesome. He is just awesome!
amen lisa♥
viv.. it was fun running into you today! btw, millen kept talking about your "pitty hair" (she has very good taste in these things, yanno. yup.);-}
oh yes He does, bonnie♥
mrs rabe.. thank you so much for your continued prayers. they truly truly mean more than i can possibly express… ☺
ginger t… love you too missie♥
yeah terr… i think this was probably my longest post ever, lol. thanks for reading it all the way thru;-} and thanks for the prayers too, dear… so much.
oh ace.. i love you girlie! your dream and the whole headcover thing are just so so hilarious. amelia and i read this yesterday and we loved it. we were driving along in the car and amelia looked at me and said, "I somehow put on a headcovering.." and we both just started snickering.. hehehe. love you and those little sweeties o'your'n ♥
irishgal… "mightier than our weakness and sin" amen?
missuz c… i'm so pleased that it blessed you… your comment has blessed me!
your welcome serena dear… and in other news… how exactly do you manage to get more beautiful as time goes by?? love this profile pic.. you are just so so pretty♥
amen bonnie!
Praising God for His grace shown to you, and to us all through our Lord Jesus Christ! And know that you're honesty before us has glorified Him more than any perfection of character or action could have. Sometimes, myself being the worst at this, we all forget that God is glorified by redeeming us from sins, past, present, and future. And part of what shouts glory to Him and the gospel is for us to suffer, to mourn our sins, and to turn to Him alone as being all-sufficient regardless of outcomes! I too, am basking in HIs more than enough grace to me, and pray that He continue to bless and keep you and your family, and to be glorified in you all! Love in Christ, dear sister!
Diane,
I was crying when I read this. Thank you so much for sharing the details with us so we can rejoice with you. There are parts of this that strike me as hilarious, but you still conveyed the heaviness of the load you carried for such a long time. You really do need to write that book. I hope that comes about when God says the timing is right!
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm trying to one-up your story (because mine doesn't even come close), but I want to share a big financial blessing God gave us about 3 years ago. I was going to have surgery, so I called the insurance company to insure that it would be covered and to ask about another thing. After looking at my account, the representative told me that my hospital stay would be covered "if you have plan (whatever)." Guess who didn't have that plan? She had JUST looked at it, but didn't say, "NO, the hospital where your doctor does surgery is NOT on your plan." Seriously. (The moral is when an insurance company rep. answeres a question with an answer that sounds like mumbo-jumbo, make them repeat it in plain English and/or in writing!) When I was at home, recovering from a surgery that had been more complicated than expected and resulted in a specialist being called into the operating room, my husband broke the news. The insurance said it was only required to pay for one doctor as opposed to three and we were totally responsible for the hosptital bill. So, we're talking $30,000, roughly. That's more than half my husband's yearly salary. To make a long story short, God worked it out that the insurance company made a special contract with the hospital just for me (the hospital was going to be added as a provider just 3 months after my surgery anyway) and paid the specialist as if he was a provider with them. We were still responsible for our co-pay, but we'd known that all along. That was one of the most amazing financial blessings we've ever had. The times when I was a kid and God provided food for the bare cabinets are up there, too.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a blessing. Thanks for letting me! I love it that you said God can handle his own PR. I think it is a good reminder for all of us that our job does involve PR, just telling about the GREAT and MARVELOUS things HE does FOR US!
As always my dear…tears glisten on the edges of my eyes. My heart swells with love for Him that helps us along the way…What a mighty God we serve. Thank you for your honesty…thank you for your humility…thank you for showing us God's wonder…and thank you for just being you. Love you dear!
I am nearly in tears. What an awesome story and proof again of the wonderful love God has for each of us.
On my knees, with you.
for more reasons than I can articulate, this touched me in a profound way. Thank you for sharing.
dianne, your honesty, faith, and humor in the face of these trials is really an inspiration, and delightful to read…praise God for all He did for you
Okay, I know this comment is really late, but I had to let you know how much you have encouraged, not only me but our family as well…..and again, in a totally God way.
I'm on the Sensibility forum and have frequently enjoyed reading your blog. However we just moved to Christchurch, New Zealand, and I haven't had much time for blog surfing.
However, the Lord saw fit to give me a high fever and I'm on the couch all day. The thought popped in my head to catch up on your blog.
What blessed providence. Yes, I was this far behind, but I couldn't stop hitting the "older posts" button.
This post, is the one I know the Lord wanted me to read. Like I said, we just moved to Christchurch, one week after the earhquake destroyed the city center and ten thousand homes. So we are currently house hunting with the thousands of other people also looking for a house or place to run their businesses from. My parents are such patient people. They are out looking at something like the 60th house today.
Reading the Lord's provision for you and your family encourage me (and them) in our search. I know that the Lord would not bring us half way across the world from friends, a known and understood culture, and family if He didn't have a house set apart for us.
Thank you for being open and honest. The Lord used you in a mighty way!
Tiffany (aka Meg March on Sensibility)